Thursday, 20 October 2011

Ize in a raaat muddwle

I'm feeling claustrophobic ....big time ! I'm in a mess, I am trying to do too many things at once and thus spreading myself too thinly over everything. I have 3 projects on the go, planning a very exciting exhibition with a couple of friends with like minds, for next year and have taken on a commission. My 'Winter' job is kicking off and I need to keep half an eye on the wrinklies. Friends are being pushed to one side and I don't like it!! My daily zazen practice is being squeezed. My head feels like the scrapbook effect of my studio wall.
I love to cut out scraps of ideas and stick them on my wall, along with notes about where pictures are hanging, a photo of beautiful daughter, Johnny Depp (sado, lol), and a looky likey of a friend in a faraway country whom I would like to see again. A Tibetan pink tourmaline ring I want, and a shack on a deserted beach , called 7ubi, that I will have.

I've started some small collages on board. I love to use words in my work and so I am basing these collages on a lovely poem about being grateful for everything in our lives......including the rubbish stuff. Which generally turns out to be a blessing in disguise.

Still fiddling around with images and experimenting with printing words onto textured paper using my laser printer.

A lovely lady who lives in Brightlingsea, has asked me to paint something for her, for a particular spot in a room over looking over the saltings. A glorious position and I am very jealous! I don't normally take on commissions, as invariably the finished piece is nothing like the idea the client had in mind, and they find it very disappointing ! But this lady is lovely and I have agreed to paint 'something' in a size required, vaguely a subject she is looking for and possibly similar colouring to my other works, with no obligation to part with cash if she doesn't like it.!!! That said, I'm still finding it hugely restricting. I think it's the fear factor of having someone waiting for me to finish and the expectation. Normally if  I don't like something it either gets painted over or pushed to the back of the studio. Pressure.

Laying down some initial washes.

My daily zazen practice is being squished and I am only managing 15 mins or so before the day kicks in. Either I need to get up earlier, which in the winter is a big problem, or I need to start my working day at 9.30 ! I find 'sitting' before anything else makes the day go more smoothly, or I go more smoothly! It's like stone balancing. Once I have balanced my spine, body & mind everything else during the day just seems to slot in. .....and when I don't do it, then the day feels awkward. People succeed in winding me up, or plans don't work, 

This capping verse for a koan I am working on, just seems to hit the spot today.

Right within light there is darkness;
right within darkness there is light.
going to where life springs forth,
the body of suchness is revealed.